When she talks, I hear the revolutions, in her hips, there's revolutions, when she walks, the revolution's coming, in her kiss, I taste the revolution, Rebel girl, Rebel girl - you are the queen of my world!

Every text written on this blog (except the last one) includes a speech of apologizing for being such a bad blogger which sucks. I literally only post once a week currently, which drives me crazy. When I started blogging, I used to update this blog every second day. Maybe it's because I don't know what to wear, or because I have not that much clothing, or just because I am kinda busy these days. Or at least I should be busy, but I am just procastinating. The whole day, today, actually. But I am allowed to as we are having holidays right now. Yay for holidays. Anyways, I am really tired right now and writing this blog seems so narcissistic and stupid. Because actually, I am such a freak and on the internet so many people are like "omg u r so cool" which I am not. I kinda feel like I am lying at you, so I thought I'd share some stuff which is important for me. 

- I am vegetarian, and it's very important to me. I really believe in it. I haven't eaten meat (or anything containing stuff for which animals have died (directly)) for seven years and I will never eat meat again.

- I almost never paint my nails. Well, actually, they are always painted but not accurately and the whole polish peels off. 

- I am so chaotic, you would never believe it.

- I realized yesterday I am the biggest loser ever and it even makes me a loser to realize it that late, as I really am.

Woohoo. 

Let's get back to normal blogging. I am feeling so many different vibes currently! It's crazy. I want to be a hippie, a punk rocker, a grunge grrl, and a japanese kawaii babe. So I try to be everything at the same time, as I don't really want to belong to one group. I don't want to be categorized because I want to be individual, if that makes sense. So, I love the hippie vibes, and I want to walk barefeet with flowers in my hair and tie dye dresses, and wear forehead jewelery and listen to reggae. I think about dreading my hair sometimes, and I feel so ~woodstock-esque~ (but I'm to uncool to be on a festival right now, but it's on my to-do-list for this summer!). I want to feel summer and dance around like a hippie. And I would, if it wasn't that cold. 12 degrees. Can you believe that? It's supposed to be summer right now! Or at least late, very late, spring. Which brings me to... I don't know what to wear. Everything is either to warm or to cold. Well, today I put together this outfit. I was trying to be Enid Coleslaw from Ghost World, she's wearing a daisy shirt and a plaid skirt with boots on the book cover, and I added some hippie vibes with the fringe booties. I made this daisy jumper the other day, and I really love it! I used fake flowers and an old jumper from the thrift store, I guess. It only took me a few minutes, but I really love it and it's so cozy. The skirt is from my sister and she'll probably kill me for wearing it, but I like it. I have been searching for a pleated and plaid printed skirt, but I just can't find one! These shoes are new, I bought them together with my best buddy in Nürnberg. They feel really hippie-esque and the fringes swing nicely when you walk. And I put some bracelets on my ankles.

Congratulations for reading this post. I bet it was not easy to make your way through it as I am talking mainly bullshit. Anyways, I hope you are all fine!

Love,

Mary

 I was kinda sorta trying to be cute but I guess I failed.

fancy closeup. they look actually really cute.

I'm worse at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed, our little group has always been and always will until the end!

Hey lovely people. This is a piece I wrote for The Wandering, a feminist and art collective. I think it's a really important topic, and I want to spread the word. Thank you for reading.

Get out your time machine, we are going on a journey. The lights are blinking, and we are in 1955 again, in a suburb, in front of the vinyl shop. Adults are staring at you, whispering to each other about the strange kids over there. You don't give a shit. You smoke your cigarette, like women do in movies, with elegance. You smooth out a crease in your polka dotted dress with your petticoat underneath. Smiling, you look at this boy with his Elvis-like hairdo and his worn-out jeans. You are both rebels. Sick of the boring, stuffy, narrow-minded thinking of your parents. Elvis Presley is your hero, with his new way of dancing, of singing. You want to be different, to be happy, you are the youth and you are celebrating it. You guys are rock'n roll.

Flashback '68. It's a new era. There's revolution and rebellion in the air, maybe mixed with a little scent of weed. People are demonstrating, going on the streets, struggeling for the end of the war in Vietnam, for gender equality, for peace. They are peaceful, though, with psychedelic prints, sandals, flowers in their hair. They revolt against the hate, the greed, the capitalism destroying people in our world. They are living in communes, listening to psychedelic rock music. Using acid, LSD, or weed to explore all states of consciousness, they embrace life and happiness. They also celebrate a new way of sexuality, see sex as something natural and great, don't hide it like it was used to do by society. They call themselves Hippies. Festivals like Woodstock changed the world of music, actually, hippies changed even more. Music, fashion, politics got different. With peaceful demonstrations, they were a new kind of youth, showed a new kind of living, revolted against war.

We go on on our travel through time. It's 1977. There's a group of young women, talking. Yelling, sometimes. They are kind of angry, and want changes. They fight for gender equality, against sexism. These are strong women, revolting women, surprising the sexist society with their strength. They help each other, they are proud of being women, they achieve many important things. Feminists demonstrated against sexism, starting a movement that hasn't ended at all in the present.

Time machine brings us to 1994. You are sitting in your room, your whole makeup is smeared all over your face by your tears. Nirvana music floats through your house, making you painfully realize that Kurt Cobain will never sing again. You cry because he has just shot himself, because Grunge ended abrupt with one bullet. You think of the last few years. Desillusionated, overwhelmed by society, blurred. There were no special goals, but there was a movement. There was „a burnout feeling amongst teens, they were kind of depressed about the future“ (music critics words), and Grunge provocated. The fashion was simple, cheap and the exact opposite of flashy neon styles in the 1980s. Grunge was filled with angst, alienation, and longing for freedom.

Back to present. Look around. There's nothing. In the past, there always was a movement amongst young people. It started with music, just take Woodstock or Elvis Presley, and then continued in other cultural aspects like fashion, it got politic, changed something. There always was a movement, kind of a big thing, something to identify with. There were role models, music you lived with. Demonstrations, emotions. Teens identified with movements like second-wave-feminism, or the Hippie culture. All these groups were somehow political – they expressed the feelings of young people.

Being young, growing up means that something changes, and the youth itself always changed something. There is a desire amongst teens to revolt, to change something, to be rebels, and this desire was always there. And today? There is no movement, no action. Well, actually, there is so much. Maybe that's the point behind it all – there is too much wrong that needs to be changed. There is sexism, our climate suffers extremly under us humans, there is so much unfairness and poverty, and there is still war, there is this pointless consuming. But it's like the whole youth is asleep. Sure, there are a few feminists, and a few people who fight for our environment, there are still Punks and hippies. However, these are all relicts, fading memories of earlier movements. There's a lack of something new. We all need something to change, we all need to wake up. Society is blind. Everybody walks around, eyes closed, masking out the problems. We live in a consumer society. Teens are fed with materialist things, clothes, technical stuff, and they are so replete that there is no space for thinking anymore. On my endless travel through the internet, I found a picture which says „I shop therefore I am.“. That's all of the thinking which is done nowadays. As long as we have enough possessions, we don't care about anything else. There are way too less people which think. As long as they have money, materialist things, they don't think about anything else. But are they happy that way? Can you be happy without thinking? I can't. We all pretend to be, to fit into society, and most teenagers forget to think this way. There is no desire for changes anymore. Only a few people are longing for something new, but as there is nothing to identify with, they hold on to old movements, trying to change as much as they did. But they are just too less people. We need to open our eyes. We teens need something to change. Teenagehood is the age where you figure out what you want, who you are, and what you need, but how could it work without changes? Teens were always able to identify with something, to fit into a group by protesting. It's hard to figure out who you are without movements like those. If you at least want to figure out who you are, you have to do it all by yourself. And if you come to the conclusion that things need to change, you are completely powerless. You can still feel some Grunge vibes today – we are longing for freedom. But being overwhelmed, we don't know how to change something, we can't identify with something. All we do is escaping from the present, to the past, full of desperate nostalgia, or just feeding ourselves with materialism so we don't feel the longing for freedom anymore. Youth needs to change something. We can't just suppress our desire for changes. We need to revolt, to rebel against todays issues. But with what can we identify? The youth needs to open its eyes.

And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start, for careers you say you want to be remembered for your art.

It's finally holidays. I haven't really realized it yet, it seems surreal and too good. The past few weeks have been so angsty and full of eating too much because of frustration. I can't stand the thought of having to go to school in two weeks again. I hate it. Normally, I don't use the word "hate" to often, it seems so hard and whatever, but I really mean it. I hate school. I have been in such an angsty mood for weeks. I want something to happen. I feel so sad all the time because of stuff happening in this world, and I want to change something, I want a movement to identify with, I want to know where I belong. I don't want to live in my tiny bubble anymore, I want something new. Life gets very extreme - some days I am utterly happy and smile all the time, and some days I am so sad and frustrated. I don't know if the tears on my face mean I'm happy or sad. I feel overwhelmed and confused. Confusion is everywhere I look. I don't understand humanity. Because of all that frustration, I am just escaping into my bed watching Teen Witch and Daria, and stalking blogs. I feel so frustrated that I feel bad about blogging - I don't want to smile in outfit pictures, for why should I if I don't feel happy? I end up not posting anything for five days and then I feel so bad, like I can't do anything right. I don't really know what may help me to get our of that mood. Maybe I just need to get out of here. To a sunny place or something. Maybe I should be less busy. All that feelingsorryformyself even makes it all worse. I feel sorry about feeling sorry for myself because other people have problems way more important than my own. But seeing and realizing all this sadness around me makes me cry, and no one understands.

Ohmy. This is so angsty.

I just needed to write it down somewhere.

It's getting sunny outside which is nice. And I could be bothered to put something on, which looks not like I'm the most desperate and unmotivated person ever (at least I hope so). I'm sorry for all this blahblah in that post which should orginally show an outfit and some new stuff I've got. I went thrifting the other day and bought ~the most perfect summer shoes ever~. They are so cute! They are pink and from the 70ies and jelly shoes! I have been searching for similar ones for weeks, but the ones I found were hella expensive. And now I have found jelly shoes, really cute ones, for three bucks! Furthermore, they fit perfectly. This is why I love thrift stores. Well, the shorts were DIYed last summer from a pair of men's jeans found in a thrift store. The colourful shirt was a gift from a friend, it's kinda seventies. And I DIYed the shirt today! I have a slightly creepy obsession with eyeballs. I used a tumblr picture and printed it on the top with textil foile stuff. It turned out great, in my opinion. The fishnet socks are from Spain, and the sunglasses are from the thrift store, too. They are really 70ies. Maybe I'm in a 70ies phase right now. Oh sweet nostalgia.

So this was a really long post. Whatever! Thank you if you read it.

Love,

Mary

They say in the end you'll get bitter just like them and they steal you heart away, when the fire goes out you better learn to fake - it's better to rise the fade away!

Hey human beings with internet access. Nice to see you again, it's been quite a long time, I am sorry! Somehow I always forget to post my outfits... Well, today I wore my vein tights (again. you have to be mad at me.), my Doc Martens (I wear boots no matter if it's summer), a tulle skirt from my childhood, a floral top I bought in Canada two years ago, and black lipstick. And, most important, a DIYed top! My best friend and I had a sleepover last weekend, and we felt creative so we tie-dyed almost every white garment I own. It was a terrible mess, but the results were pretty awesome! You can't really see it in that picture, but there's a little rhinestoned heart on the tank top, and it's a real spiral thing because that's tie dye. Whatever, we had so much fun and I love how it turned out!

I have also received some beautiful letters from my pen pals lately, and they kinda help me to get over that school. Thank you for all the cute comments on my last post! 

That's all, I will continue searching for food in my house.

Love,

Mary

I'm not like them but I can pretend. The sun is gone but I have a light, the day is done, but I'm having fun - I think I'm dumb or maybe just happy.

Hey guys. I am sort of frustrated today, I have been trying to study chemistry but I just don't understand it, it seems so pointless. School sucks so much currently, I just sit in the classroom literally counting the minutes until the lesson is over. I am totally unmotivated, I just endure the lessons and go out with no idea what was happening. People in school suck, teachers as well as students, and I run around constantly bitchfacing. Everyone's shouting so loud that my head explodes and talks about shit that's so pointless and not interesting at all, and I feel like "why do you even exist". I hope it will get better soon - we write really many tests at the moment and I should study way more than I do. I'm procastinating right now, actually, by eating pizza (makes everything way better), listening to Nirvana (Nirvana is perfect for days like this one), and feeling sorry for myself for no reason at all.
Besides school, I am fine.
Well, here's today's outfit. I am wearing my denim jacket which I really love, like, it's one of my favorite things ever, I feel so great wearing it. Because of all the badges and patches and whatever, it really describes the way I am and just belongs to me (which is why I wear it way too often, I almost live in that jacket!). There's some new stuff on it -  a flower pin from a fleamarket, the yellow patch was sent to me by lovely Carla and it says "Bowie ♥'s you" and on the back there's a patch which Flower sent me, it's so awesome! I also wear my Pink Floyd dress, a tulle skirt from my childhood under it because that outfit needed some tulle, and fishnet socks I bought in Spain. The shoes are from a fleamarket as well. And I put daisies into my socks... oh man, that sounds so weird. I am sorry. I also apologize for this rather not creative outfit and overwearing all my garments.
That's all.

Love,

Mary

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation! You're living in the past, it's a new generation, a girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do!

Hey lovely people who read this. TWO VERY VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS!! Listen up.
You may have noticed I have reached 200 followers! Thank you guys so much, I love you. It's such an amazing feeling that 200 people like this weird blog! I could not do this without you, you encourage me every day. Thank you!
In other breaking news, I have updated my Etsy shop. Now it has two items, awesome, huh? No.
But you should check it out! I sell my Rookie Zine, and since a few days, I also sell (or at least try to sell) some homemade buttons! They are Freaks-and-Geeks themed, so you can choose from Daniel Desario, Sam Weir, Lindsay Weir and Kim Kelly. It would be great if you would check them out! You can find my Etsy here. What I am saying is BUY IT.

Thank you so much for being here on my little weirdo corner of the world wide web.

Love,

Mary

PS: And sorry for this mini post.