And the head said that you always were a queer one from the start, for careers you say you want to be remembered for your art.

It's finally holidays. I haven't really realized it yet, it seems surreal and too good. The past few weeks have been so angsty and full of eating too much because of frustration. I can't stand the thought of having to go to school in two weeks again. I hate it. Normally, I don't use the word "hate" to often, it seems so hard and whatever, but I really mean it. I hate school. I have been in such an angsty mood for weeks. I want something to happen. I feel so sad all the time because of stuff happening in this world, and I want to change something, I want a movement to identify with, I want to know where I belong. I don't want to live in my tiny bubble anymore, I want something new. Life gets very extreme - some days I am utterly happy and smile all the time, and some days I am so sad and frustrated. I don't know if the tears on my face mean I'm happy or sad. I feel overwhelmed and confused. Confusion is everywhere I look. I don't understand humanity. Because of all that frustration, I am just escaping into my bed watching Teen Witch and Daria, and stalking blogs. I feel so frustrated that I feel bad about blogging - I don't want to smile in outfit pictures, for why should I if I don't feel happy? I end up not posting anything for five days and then I feel so bad, like I can't do anything right. I don't really know what may help me to get our of that mood. Maybe I just need to get out of here. To a sunny place or something. Maybe I should be less busy. All that feelingsorryformyself even makes it all worse. I feel sorry about feeling sorry for myself because other people have problems way more important than my own. But seeing and realizing all this sadness around me makes me cry, and no one understands.

Ohmy. This is so angsty.

I just needed to write it down somewhere.

It's getting sunny outside which is nice. And I could be bothered to put something on, which looks not like I'm the most desperate and unmotivated person ever (at least I hope so). I'm sorry for all this blahblah in that post which should orginally show an outfit and some new stuff I've got. I went thrifting the other day and bought ~the most perfect summer shoes ever~. They are so cute! They are pink and from the 70ies and jelly shoes! I have been searching for similar ones for weeks, but the ones I found were hella expensive. And now I have found jelly shoes, really cute ones, for three bucks! Furthermore, they fit perfectly. This is why I love thrift stores. Well, the shorts were DIYed last summer from a pair of men's jeans found in a thrift store. The colourful shirt was a gift from a friend, it's kinda seventies. And I DIYed the shirt today! I have a slightly creepy obsession with eyeballs. I used a tumblr picture and printed it on the top with textil foile stuff. It turned out great, in my opinion. The fishnet socks are from Spain, and the sunglasses are from the thrift store, too. They are really 70ies. Maybe I'm in a 70ies phase right now. Oh sweet nostalgia.

So this was a really long post. Whatever! Thank you if you read it.

Love,

Mary